


Asking For More

by Anica



Series: Hanni-verse [37]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Cuddling, Did I mention it's all good?, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cannibalism, M/M, Nightmares, Post Mpreg, Sleepwalking, Will Knows, it's all good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:33:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anica/pseuds/Anica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For idristhetardis, who wanted to see Hanni dealing with what his father is.</p>
<p>A few months after 'Acting Human' (part 27) a few fears are voiced and promise is made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Asking For More

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta read. Sorry. You know I love my commas, but if you got any pointers I'd love to hear them. 
> 
> A few people requested to see Hanni finding out about his fathers but idristhetardis said I could cheat, so it's all for ... her (sorry, taking a wild guess here).

Hannibal Lecter Jr turned on the lights before closing the door behind himself. Some might think he was afraid of the dark but he doesn’t care. No one was there to judge the eighteen year old as he took the grocery bags into the kitchen of his small one bedroom apartment. Once there, he drops them, cursing loudly as he grabs his chest and tries to steady his nerves.

Next time he’ll remember to check his apartment first before closing the door behind himself.

In a simple gray sweater and pants, his father, the one that gave him his name and tainted it, sits as if they were back in the house that he was raised in.

As if he wasn’t supposed to be rotting in jail.

“Your father said you have not been returning his phone calls,” the voice is even, reprimanding, as if he’s been out past his curfew or had been caught trying to watch cartoons on his tablet when he should have been sleeping. “He said that you refused to see him.”

“You’re …” Hanni stopped, shook his head to clear it, still trying to catch the breath that had been stolen from him. “How did you get out?”

“I left,” Hannibal said with a simple, one shoulder shrug as if maximum security prisons were not build with him in mind. “Your father had nothing to do with the things I’ve done. You should not blame him.”

“Not blame him?” Hanni screamed, feeling the urge to break something and fighting it only because he thinks that will make him like the man that raised him. Even as he thinks that, he knows it’s not true. He had never seen his father lose his temper. He was a monster but of different sort altogether. “He knew! And don’t tell me he didn’t because I know that he did!”

“What makes you say that?” The genuine curiosity in his voice made the boy sick.

“The way he still says your name, like it isn’t poison,” Hanni spits outs the words. “The way he keeps calling you Papa as if I’m still four and you’re not a killer.”

“One does not make the other not so,” Hannibal said softly. “I am still your father and so is he.”

“No,” Hanni shook his head, angry tears suddenly spilling over. “No, my fathers were gentle, loving. They showed me how things work, didn’t give me generic answers, and always made sure I felt safe. You’re not him! You can’t be him!”

Hannibal raised a brow and let the silence build for a few moments.

“You are safe,” Hannibal told him gently, as if after everything his words still meant anything. To Hanni’s increasing urge to just fall into the older man’s arms, it really did mean something and he forced himself to a take a step back to avoid the temptation. “You were always going to be safe.”

“You used to tell me that when I was afraid,” Hanni shook his head, voice dropping. “I never thought it was you I would need to be safe from.”

“You don’t,” Hannibal insisted, sounding almost as if the words hurt. “Have I ever given you a reason to fear me? Were you ever afraid of me?”

“No,” Hanni whispered, brushing back the tears that slipped out with the back of his hand, not unlike his younger version. “Not even when I knew you were upset.” He slumped against the kitchen wall, head rolling back, and defeat finally making its way into his voice. “Why are you here? You didn’t come all the way here just to yell at me about Da-” Hanni swallowed thickly. “Dad.”

Another shrug. “I was worried about you. I had hoped you would come and let me explain.”

“You can’t explain THIS!” Hanni screamed again, kicking back at the wall that had been holding him up.

“Lower your voice,” Hannibal told him, calmly but with the same authority he had always possessed.

Hanni practically whimpered in response, sinking to the floor, and burying his face in his hands.

Hannibal finally rose but before he could get too close he was met with a familiar look; Hanni’s anger blazed at him through his own dark eyes and he stopped just within reach. He sunk down to his knees, unable to stop himself from letting his hand brush the boy’s knee.

“I never meant to hurt you,” Hannibal said, softly and as honest as he had ever been.

“Everything I have ever known was a lie,” Hanni said, voice surprisingly strong while the tears rolled down his face. “Every moment of my childhood, every word you said to me, it was all a lie. Every time you held me, kissed Daddy, told us you love us and called us your boys, none of that was real. That wasn’t the real you.”

“You and your father,” Hannibal said, voice firm and holding his son in a gaze that felt as solid as his presences, “are the only real things in my life. I never lied. I might not have been able to share my life with you fully but I never lied to you. I tried to protect you from who I was.”

“Is it the first thing you ever failed?” Hanni snorted.

“Second at the very least,” Hannibal said, his eyes going distant for a moment as they always did when he thought of his sister.

“I loved you. I worshipped you,” Hanni shook his head, his voice breaking. “Why couldn’t you have been cruel to me? It would have been so much better that way. It would have been so simple to hate you. ”

“Hate me if you must,” his father said. He moved closer and dared to lay his hand over that of his son. “But hate me for what I did to others, hate me for giving you my name, but not for the time we had together. We never wanted to give you anything but the best, be the parents you deserved, maybe even be the people we had always pretended to be.”

“I can’t understand it,” Hanni shook his head. “I’ve tried. I want to. I don’t understand why you did it. I don’t understand why you couldn’t stop. Why weren’t we enough?”

There was silence as Hannibal came face to face with the question that might not have kept him up at night but sure as hell had been there whenever he turned his head, attention caught by someone he wanted to see cut open and taste.

“I was selfish,” Hannibal admits. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness or your love.”

“I hate you-”

“-I know,” Hannibal cut him off, his voice still gentle, as if trying to make it easier for his son.

“No!” Hanni shook his head again, tears streaming down his face. “I hate you for giving me the best childhood and ripping it away. I hate you for always being there, for making me feel like the center of your world. I hate you for getting caught.”

“Hanni,” his voice was just as kind as before but he could see how the boy’s name was no different than a physical blow. The boy’s eyes closed again and he threw his head back against the fall.

“I know you didn’t make me a part of it. I know you’d never …” Hanni winced, eyes still closed as he spoke. “I know … you never fed them to me. I believe you but no one else will ever believe it.”

“No, they won’t,” Hannibal softly agreed. “I have no guilt for what I had done to them, but I never meant to hurt you.”

“Stop,” Hanni opened his eyes, seemingly defeated. “I don’t know if I want you to be sorry for what you’ve done. It wouldn’t change anything. You’d still be a murdering cannibal and I would still be your son.”

“I could never be sorry for that,” Hannibal said, his voice shaking, unfamiliar to the boy. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have been caught a long time ago.”

“But I wasn’t enough to make you give it up,” Hanni shook his head. “Why weren’t we enough?”

Before he could answer there was the sound of sirens surrounding the building and Hanni was grasping onto the older man, holding him tightly, as if for the last time.

“I’ll always love you for the man that you were and I’ll always hate myself for it,” Hanni whispered, his voice did not break, not until he felt those strong arms around him.

“Don’t go, Daddy.”

Hannibal pulled back, confused.

“Daddy!”

*!*!*

“Daddy! You can’t go! You don’t have slippers on! Daddy!”

Will looked around, the night air cool against his soaked skin, as he took in the sight of his front yard.

“Daddy!”

Will looked down, and collapsed onto his knees, as the nightmare came rushing back. His son looked concerned and a bit confused, but just as sweet and innocent as when he had been tucked into bed earlier that night. Still just a little boy.

He scooped Hanni into his arms as he fell back on to his heels, burying his face in his son’s neck.

“Daddy, you have to turn off the alarm,” Hanni’s voice broke through the relief that had flooded him.

It took Will another moment to realize the sirens he had heard was just the house alarm going off. He rose, taking the boy with him, unwilling and unable to let him go.

Will checked the time as he started to go upstairs. Just after midnight. Hannibal should be home soon and there was no reason to worry. Still, the nightmare had set his nerves on edge, and he knew it was somehow connected to the murder that took place almost two months ago.

It had been the first time Hannibal had killed someone against Will’s wishes. It was weeks before he could let go of the anger and a few more before he could start to trust the other man. Almost two months had gone by and Hannibal was the one that insisted on keeping his routine simple. Tonight was a break from that mundane routine, and if their son hadn’t been complaining of a stomach ache, Will would have been by the other’s side.

He trusted Hannibal. He trusted him to go to his performance, mingle, and come home to them. Somewhere, his subconscious disagreed with him.

“Papa said I have to get him when you sleepwalk Daddy, but Papa wasn’t home.” Hanni said, putting his sleepy head on Will’s shoulder.

“I know, baby,” Will said softly. “You did good. Did I scare you?”

Hanni shook his head. He had only seen Will sleepwalk once before but Papa explained what was happening and said it was nothing to be afraid of. “Is that why Papa holds you?”

“It sure is,” he said with a chuckle as he laid the boy down. “What about the alarms? Did they scare you?”

Hanni shook his head again and yawned. “I thought it was bad guys but Darcy barks when there are strangers.”

“You’re a very smart little boy,” Will said as he bent over to kiss his son’s forehead before pulling up his night shirt up and resting a hand over his stomach. “How’s your tummy?”

“Better. When is Papa coming home?”

“Very soon.”

“You can sleep here ‘til then,” Hanni said softly, moving over to make room. “I won’t let you go away.”

Will opened his mouth to say that it wasn’t necessary but couldn’t get those words out. He still felt shaken by his dream. It had all seemed so real. He could still see the pain on his son’s face, hear the betrayal in his voice. It might have been a dream but the pain was real, and he felt it on both sides.

He slipped into the bed and let the boy snuggle up under his arms.

“Love you, Daddy,” Hanni whispered and was asleep before his father could say it back.

*/*/*

“Will? Come on, love,” Hannibal’s voice broke through his peaceful sleep. “You’ll be far more comfortable in our bed.”

Will made a noncommittal noise and with the older man’s help he rolled the boy off his side. 

“If his symptoms worsened,” the doctor said, voice lightly reprimanded, while he passed a hand over his son’s skin, “you should have called me.”

“He’s fine,” Will said, his own voice harsh with an icy undercurrent that made Hannibal rise and try to make out his face in the darkness.

“You’re upset with me,” Hannibal said softly. “I’m afraid I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.”

Will snorted and shook his head before turning on his heels and leaving the room.

“Will,” Hannibal said in a harsh whisper as he caught up to the younger man after making sure their son’s blanket was as it should have been. “Tell me what I’ve done to upset you.”

“If I say everything, will you understand?”

“Much too well,” Hannibal said, taking Will’s hand into his. “Are you doubting that I went anywhere but where I said I would go?”

“No,” Will shook his head and stepped away, letting his hand slip out the gentle pressure Hannibal had on it. “But my subconscious needs a little more convincing.”

“Will...” Hannibal paused, uncharacteristically searching for words. “Please?”

Will heard all the uncertainty Hannibal would never show and confusion he that he would never admit to in that one word.

“I had a ….. It was a bad dream.”

“You’re not really upset with me over a dream?” Hannibal asked, voice lighter than before.

The profiler would have felt ridiculous at that moment if not for the memory of the panic, fear, and disgust he felt with himself at the thought of causing his son that much pain.

“I dreamed you were arrested,” Will said, turning and walking to their bedroom, more drained than exhausted. “Hanni was older, much older … nearly a man… and ….” Will collapsed on the bed, burying his face in the pillow.

“Tell me,” Hannibal said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through Will’s hair gently.

“He blamed himself for not being enough to make you stop. He still loved you but he hated himself for it,” Will leaned into the touch and opened his eyes. “I don’t think I can live if he hated us but I know I wouldn’t be able to if he hated himself.”

Hannibal was tempted to tell him that it was just a dream. Not only was the scenario not a realistic one, there was no way of knowing what their son would feel under those circumstances. It didn’t matter. The only thing that did was how real it felt to the empath.

“What more can I offer you?”

Will shook his head, knowing he couldn’t just ask the other to stop killing. He didn’t want to see if it was something that Hannibal could control or if controlled him. All he could do was hope to contain it. “We don’t deserve him,” he whispered instead.

“We certainly do not.”

***

Will’s car wasn’t in it’s usual place and the house is quiet when Hannibal comes home but it is not a cause for alarm. Will could have taken the boy to run an errand, walk the dogs or maybe to the park. It’s only when he goes to hang his coat in the hallway closet that he notices the extra space.

Will was not the type to clean out the closets and dresser once the boy got too big for his clothing. Dread filled him as he looked down and saw that only a few pairs of his son’s sneakers remained. He made his way to Hanni’s room, trying not to hurry, trying not to panic.

The room wasn’t bare, but it definitely wasn’t as full as it had been that morning. He threw open the closet, the drawers, taking in every missing item and the mess that was left behind as someone gathered things in a hurry.

He glanced over at the bed and then slowly made his way over to it, sinking down and running his and over the pillow where his son’s plush toy always waited. Even at five it was hard to separate them at night and Hanni would watch his father intently when the older man rolled up his sleeves and hand washed the beloved stuffed dog. There was no reason for it to be gone.

Hannibal took out his phone, pausing for just a second to calm his breathing, and then dialed Will’s number.

“Hannibal,” Will’s was thick with emotion as he answered the phone, and the older man closed his eyes.

“I was just about to start dinner,” Hannibal as casually as he could, his free hand wound into a tight fist. “When do you think you might be home?”

“You’re in his room,” Will stated softly, knowing Hannibal already came to the right conclusion.

The doctor nodded, aware Will wouldn’t be able to see it but needing the moment to compose himself. “Why?”

“I can’t just sit back and wait for you destroy us.” The tone remained soft, most likely to avoid their son’s attention.

“I would never-”

“-stop,” Will cuts him off. “I know. I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose but you take chances you shouldn’t. You’re too confident in your own intelligence and in other’s ignorance. That’s fine for your life but I won’t let you take risks with his.”

“Will, please,” Hannibal whispers, voice failing him as he searched for words that might change his husband’s mind. “Don’t do this.”

“I’m not the one that did this,” Will said with a sigh. “Don’t look for us. Give him a chance to be normal.”

“We’ll go together. We’ll start over somewhere.” There was honesty and passion in his voice and when Will paused, he let himself believe just for a moment that it would all be all right.

“I’ll make sure he knows how much you loved him,” Will said, his own voice wavering. “I’ll put him on the phone if you promise to behave.”

“No, not yet. Please, Will. Please, just think about what you’re doing.”

“I have been thinking of nothing else.”

“I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me,” Hannibal insisted. “I’ll do more. I can do more.”

“You’ve done as much as you could,” Will acknowledged. “This will be the greatest thing you can do for us.”

“No, you’re wrong!” 

“Not this time.” there was a pause and then Hannibal heard the phone being moved. “Hanni, Papa wants to talk to you.”

“Hi, Papa!” Hanni’s excited voice filled his line and Hannibal laughed and teared up all at once.

“Hello, sweet boy.”

“Daddy and I are going on a trip,” Hanni told him. “I wish you were coming too.”

“Me too. Do you know where you’re going?”

“No, Daddy said it was a surprise. I’ll bring back lots of treasures for you.”

“Thank you,” Hannibal said, trying to chuckle but his voice broke and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Papa, you sound sad,” Hanni said, no longer excited.

“I just miss you already,” Hannibal said, trying to control his voice. “I love you very much.”

“I love you too Papa.”

“Promise to be a good for your daddy.”

“I promise,” Hanni said, his voice starting to shake too as he realized that he might not see his father for a few days. “Papa, I don’t want to go on a trip without you.”

“Who will watch over Daddy if you don’t go? You’ll do that for me, right?”

“Yes, Papa,” Hanni promised. “Who’s going to watch over you?”

“I’ll just have to stay strong until I see you again.”

“I’ll send you all my kiss every night,” Hanni whispered, and Hannibal could hear the tears forming through the line and then the telltale sniff. “Papa, I don’t want to go. I’ll miss you.”

“It’ll be alright. I promise. I’ll miss you very much,” Hannibal said, not letting the tears come through in his own voice. “Just remember it doesn’t matter where you are when we’re apart, I’ll always love you.”

“Hannibal…” Will’s voice came on the line, probably not too far from it through the whole conversation.

“Don’t, Will,” Hannibal begged softly. “Don’t do it. Don’t.”

“Hannibal….” There was a touch of uncertainty in his name this time so he kept begging, over and over, pleading for another chance to be the husband and father he had always meant to be. The kind he thought he still had time to be.

*^*^*

“It’s all right Hannibal,” Will whispered much too close. “I’m right here. It’s just a dream. I’m right here.”

Hannibal gasped and shook as he breathed out. He forced his breathing to even out within the next few breaths and then tried to do the same with his heart. A hand on his shoulder made him gasp, then berate himself for forgetting that Will was still in bed with him.

“What did you dream about?” Will asked softly, pulling his hand away.

“You,” Hannibal said, not managing to even get that one word out with his voice betraying him.

“I’ve gathered as much,” Will said, laying down beside him and watching how the sweat soaked skin of his lover was lit in the rays of the full moon that shone through their window. “You were calling out my name. Did I hurt you?”

“Very much,” Hannibal whispered, closing his eyes. It had been a long time since a dream had felt this real.

”What did I do?”

“You took him away,” he said without needing to clarify.

“Oh, Hannibal,” he reached out and let his hand run through the soft ashen strands, “I would never do that.”

“You would,” Hannibal said, exhausted and just slightly broken. “You would do it if you thought that would be for the best.”

Will laid back on the bed, unable to deny that the possibility, or the fact that it had crossed his mind before even if the thought was quickly banished afterwards. Instead he tugged on Hannibal’s arm and was surprised at how willingly the older man seemed to move into his arms, laying a head on his chest. Will’s fingers found their way into his hair again.

“Promise me that if you do, you won’t tell me. That you won’t make threats. That you’ll simple do it. I don’t know what lengths I’ll go do to stop it from happening and I do not want to find out.”

Will hummed in reply, just trying to sooth the other man with his touch.

“Promise that if you do leave, you’ll give me another chance. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to bring you and Hanni back into my life.”

“I know,” Will said, voice just as soft.

“I will …” Hannibal paused, uncertain of what he wanted to say or willing to do. He never made empty promises and this wasn’t a time to start. “I’ll do better.”

Will smiled at what was almost a juvenile promise, something he expected his young son to say when he was being reprimanded. He understood that Hannibal wasn’t making a commitment to stop, only to do what he could to make sure neither of their nightmares came true. He would always want to have it both ways but he wouldn’t risk his boys in order to have it.

Neither of them spoke. Will kept running his hand through the other’s hair, brushing his fingers against the back of the neck, and down the spine. They fell asleep just like that, woke in the same way and didn’t move until there was a persistent knock on their door and a little boy in their bed, still so loving, so full of joy. They would do anything to make sure he stayed that way.

**Author's Note:**

> I might be slowing down but I'm not stopping!


End file.
